Living in fear

Hmmz . If you didn't ask me "u want to continue living in fear", I didn't even realise that at all . Want to go enjoy, but scared . Want to leave her with others, but scared she wont return to me again like the past . I trust no one . LOLS . I'm seriously living in FEAR , I should say? In the past, so confident, whatever I want to do, I do . Now I can't . I think alot . The more I trust, the more disappointments I'll get . I rather not to trust anyone, especially people who are the closest to me . LOLS . I envy you and your people nothing to think and just enjoy . (: Someone give me one tight slap please !! Wake me up .
I hate this feeling . I want to be like a normal guy/bung go around doing wadever they like . but..........

youguyswontknowwhatwillhappentoherorwhatshewilldotomeagain................
idontwishtoknowiwillrathernotgoanywhereandobedientlyandfaithfullystaybyherside
justsaymehumjiscaredheroriamherdogorwhateveridontmindcauseiagreeiamhumjionlyscaredofher
youguyswontunderstandmaybeiamachangedpersonandyouguysdidntexperiencethepainihadbefore...

You should feel happy that things won't be the same anymore and things are getting better and their are going your way because I learnt my lessons, I would rather give in and make you feel happier than Gameover . Don't worry about me as long as you are happy . I know I am hurting myself and keeping away my own freedom, but just to keep you by my side and exchange for a smile of yours, its all worthwhile . Because ILoveYou . So don't worry about the "never be the same again" because we are living in the present , not the past . Future? I don't want to know . let the past be with me and not you . I won't let things be the same again cause I gonna make it better . im sorry . Say whatever you like, scold more . Its not that I didn't notice , I did but I'm scared . seriously . Each day I fall deeper and deeper for you, my heart says"jialat, jit bai xi liao". How can I forgive and forget . But my heart tells me to . I don't want to quarrel . Do what you like, scold all you want . I won't scold you or lay a finger on you anymore . I'll just shut up and let you scold, beat or scream at . YES! I KNOW! I AGREE! I'M A COWARD! ONLY TOWARDS YOU!